I can feel like things are starting to go my way, and then I get pushed back down.
And I'm tired.
Work starts going good again. I'm getting plenty of hours and maybe a raise soon. All positive, right? But why does the DM hate me? Why does she find any way to put me down? Why can everyone else answer their cell phone from time to time, but the second I do it's, "If I see you with your phone again, you're fired"? What the fuck is that? ASM can answer her phone. Oh, but it's her husband. That makes it different. No it fucking doesn't. I answer the phone if it's my fiance. How is that any different from husband? I would understand if all I did all day was talk on my phone, but I don't. I bust my ass for that store, and they fucking know it. DM thinks I'm just some stupid teenager with a job. Princess is the stupid teenager with a job. I'm an adult. I have a job because I have bills and responsibilities, not because I'm bored. But it's like DM has it all backwards. She LOVES Princess, but hates me. What the fuck? I really like working there, but she is driving me crazy.
School. Well. It's school. I did not so good last semester because I was trying to balance two part time jobs and a full load of classes. But I can get over that. I got C's in classes that don't really matter, and the rest were good grades. What I can't get over is that I may not be going back. I owe $3,000 and some change for last semester. Until I pay that, I can't register for this coming semester. Which starts on Monday. So basically...I'm not registering. I don't have that money, my parents don't have that money, and no one I know has that money. I don't have some rich relative, or a nice friend. Nope. And the only thing that makes this situation worse is that I don't know anyone with good enough credit to cosign on my student loan. Or, I if I do know them, they won't do it for one reason or another. But I feel like I want to tell them it's all their fault that I will be a college drop out. Because I can't even transfer. I can't get my transcript until the money is paid! What a predicament I find myself in. I guess I'll just work at Family Dollar full time. No big deal. I didn't want to be a writer anyway.
So what's keeping me going? My friends and fiance. I know they won't abandon me. Especially since Gay Lover #2 isn't coming back to TCU this semester. She's in my situation. She at least has figured out something. Her major is offered other places. If mine was, I would have already transfered, at least for a semester or two. But I'm lost. If only I can win the scholarship I applied for. Junior and Senior year free. Then I would only have to figure out the 3k for this semester and whatever I need for next semester. But I need to figure out the 3k within the next two days or I'm just shit out of luck.
Super Lover Boy makes me feel better, though. I know he'll always love me, and I will always love him. I'm excited for our future together. Today I had a glimpse at it. We were sitting in the living room. He was watching a movie and I was reading, but we were still close and connected. And when I rambled on about the book, he actually listened to me. He didn't call me a nerd or sort of pay attention. He smiled at me and said something about how enthusiastic I was about reading the book (which, I guess was a nice way of calling me a nerd, but I liked it).
He makes me so happy.
Who has 3k they want to give me?
*
:Poetic Moment:
And with all of them
Out there, standing so tall
Tell me now
Right here, why I feel so small
:Quote:
A pessimist is a person
Who looks both ways
Before crossing
A one way road.
:Picture:
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